an exceptionally good summer (day 8)

Name a time you were most satisfied with your life.

That's easy. This past summer.

Now I have to explain. Not so easy.

This summer I danced in a parking lot in the middle of the night, I went on spontaneous walks, I ran down my street in the rain, I set off fireworks at an abandoned beach, I stayed up all night playing cards, I laughed until I cried, I slept like the dead, I wore a bikini for the first time, I drew sidewalk masterpieces in chalk with little kids, I saw a shooting star, I made new friends and grew closer to the ones I already had. I said the words i love you in those two months more than I had in a whole year.

I woke up happy, and I usually went to bed happier, staying up far past midnight to have beautifully truthful and random conversations with my best friend and my boyfriend. Every night I went to bed with this fabulous feeling of being loved and of the potential to feel even more love. For the first time since perhaps preschool, everything was simply and wonderfully okay. I wasn't stressing out about grades, school, friends, dance or my family. I didn't have to deal with people I didn't like, didn't worry about what I ate or what I looked like or what people thought of me. I wasn't judgemental, wasn't mean, wasn't shy because there wasn't any reason to be.

I was random and fun and adventurous and loud. I was loving and generous and caring and thoughtful and so, so happy.

Never underestimate true happiness, my dears.

Of course, I am not as wholesomely and blissfully happy these days as I was then. Like I've mentioned, the boy and I are no longer together and I've become conscious of how I look, what I wear and eat again. Second term closes soon and I'm desperately trying to raise my history grade and I spent six hours working on a bio project (which also means I didn't eat properly today). Once again I must deal with unpleasant people. Once again I'm back living a mundane, Monday-through-Friday academic existence. Once again I must feel ugly emotions like anger, jealousy, hatred.

But you know what? I'm fine with it. We all have our good times and our bad times. I was blessed with an exceptionally good summer, and the consequence for that is a slightly frustrating and stressful winter. I know I will feel that way again someday, and until that day I will push through mountains of homework, through sleep deprivation and tears and the Patriot's divisional playoff loss. Because hey, this is life.

 And this past summer, I realized just how thrilling life can be.